diaspora

For the past couple weeks, reality has been suspended in a kind of Alice-in-Wonderland-like dream for me. After over 10 years in business, my restaurant closed its doors for good earlier this month. B___ was a sort of Hotel California, a place you could never simply leave for good, and always waited for you to come back, because you knew you could always pick up a shift or 5 a week when you needed. That's how I stayed there for 5 years. Now, the spell has been broken, and I feel like one of a diaspora.

My plans to travel to Mexico pre-date the closure, but the timing has turned out to be just about right. The idea was to look for a new job once I came home, albeit, a new primary, likely restaurant, job, while keeping B___ for a shift or two a week... you know, just in case. The point was, after waiting a year to see if change would come through my e-mail inbox in the form of an acceptance letter, I could not wait any more to pursue it on my own. I would start by going to the city, away from the cultural dead zone that is the Philadelphia suburbs, and bank entirely on the holiday season in a place where you weren't as complacent about making less than $50 a night because you were so comfortable there, and then... well, the only goal, after sealing all my grad school apps, was not to be here in 2010, not waiting another year for the world to come to my doorstep.

The only surprise is that Mexico will be more of a continuation of this all-play, no-work dream, than a gap in the grind. I should say, a rich intensification. I actually want the dream, I mean, the sense of shifting reality, to continue well after my return, and I will be working toward that. Many things are changing, inside and outside. Life is becoming a series of experiments, and getting to the right places will require a persistent questioning of comfort zones as well as anarchy. This trip will be a great segue into the materialization of these approaches. For the record, I will be in Mexico for 2.5 weeks, and this will be my longest planned "solo" trip ever. My external intentions are simple. Exploration, meeting people, and growing my Spanish.